


stay close to me

by love_yourself_1358



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aromantic Iwaizumi Hajime, Aromantic Oikawa Tooru, Asexual Iwaizumi Hajime, Asexual Oikawa Tooru, Confessions, Gen, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Pining, Queerplatonic Relationships, Sexuality Crisis, canon compliant if you squint, the author is done with the lack of friendship portrayals, the author may or may not be vaguely projecting, they're not Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27103519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_yourself_1358/pseuds/love_yourself_1358
Summary: "I've never experienced romantic love the way the stories tell it, either. Does that make me broken too?""He's afraid of losing you, Iwaizumi-san.""Are you prepared to lose him?"In which Oikawa confesses to Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi rejects him, and a bunch of people get slightly involved. It comes down to the two of them, facing off on a bridge. There are tears, there are hugs, and in the end there are two boys, partners and equals andfriends.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, background matsuhana, but like qpr
Comments: 21
Kudos: 96





	stay close to me

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a cute misunderstanding one-shot about Oikawa confessing but noooo it's like 14k words  
> anyways happy reading!

Iwaizumi walks into the classroom and promptly drops his bag.

"What the hell?" He stares at his desk in confusion.

Next to him, Oikawa hums as he tidies up the giant pile of love letters on his desk, methodically sorting them into stacks and tucking them into his bag. Iwaizumi stares at the single letter on his desk, an envelope of not pale pink, but Seijoh green. In fact, it's the same envelope as the school uses for the pen pal programs. That's not _that_ shocking. It's not like Iwaizumi has never received a confession before. What's shocking is that someone seems to have swept all the other confession letters onto the ground.

"Ah, did Iwa-chan finally receive a confession from a girl?" Oikawa's voice is weirdly high-pitched. Iwaizumi stares at him; at the single envelope on the desk; at the envelopes on the ground arcing around the desk; back at Oikawa.

"It would seem that I got more than one."

"Ohhh, is our ace attracting female attention?" Hanamaki appears out of nowhere, slinging his arm over Iwaizumi's shoulders. He lets out a fake sob, dramatically covering his face. "They grow up so fast!"

Matsukawa picks up the envelope, inspecting it. "Hmm, someone seems a possessive type!" He looks at the collection of pink envelopes on the ground, and snorts. "A _really_ possessive type. Who would've thought our Iwaizumi-san was so popular?"

Iwaizumi snatches the envelope out of his hand, scowling. "Don't touch my letters, you bastard. It's none of your business anyways."

Hanamaki flutters his lashes at him. "Oh, but _Iwaizumi-san_ is so strong, with such nice arms! He's always so polite and helpful! Of course someone would want you for their own! Perhaps your only shortcoming is that, well, compared with the rest of the third years, you're a bit sh-" Iwaizumi immediately bonks him on the head with his textbook. He turns and looks at Oikawa, whose ears are faintly pink.

"Shittykawa, king of flirting. What do you think?"

Oikawa looks up, pasting a smile onto his face. "Ah, I think whatever girl accepted by Iwa-chan will be so lucky! Of course, not as lucky as any girl accepted by me-"

Iwaizumi throws a balled up piece of paper at him. "No, you shithead. What do you think I should do?"

The three of them boggle at him. In unison, they shout, " _Open it!_ "

Iwaizumi leans back at the sudden onslaught. "Um, aren't you guys getting a bit too into this?"

Matsukawa gestures at the letter. "Clearly this person cares a lot. Pushing all those letters off onto the ground? I've only ever seen Oikawa so possessive of you! And look how special they made their letter! Seijoh green and not pink!"

"…Isn't this just an envelope from the pen pal program though?"

"Ah, that just demonstrates their spontaneity! They struggled for so long about whether to confess or not that by the time they decided, they could only snatch an envelope from the library!" A faint choking noise comes from Oikawa's direction. Iwaizumi can only assume that he's trying not to bust a lung laughing at Matsukawa's logic.

"Or… consider this… it's all a prank on me."

Oikawa points at the envelope. "You'll never know who or what it is if you don’t open it!"

"Jeez, you guys are so loud," Iwaizumi says as he slides a finger under the flap. "We're lucky that sports lessons are free periods for us."

"Ah, perks of being AJVC. Pretty girls' confessions and free periods." Hanamaki yawns, stretching. "If only Mattsun and I could receive the former."

"Shame you're just too hideous," Iwaizumi snorts as he teases the paper inside out of the envelope. His eyes scan over the lines and his brow furrows. 

"Well, what's it say?" Oikawa's smile is oddly stiff.

"It just says… to meet them behind the gymnasium after school?" He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it. "Literally just 'I really like you. Please meet me behind the gym at 4:30 pm'. What the hell?"

"Aww, Issei, it's such a shame that we have to meet with the first years today."

"Quite right, Hiro. I guess Oikawa-san is the only one to go with _Iwa-chan_ to see his one true love!"

Iwaizumi turns bright red. "Knock it off, you two! There's no guarantee that I'll accept them."

Oikawa laughs shrilly. "Iwa-chan, of course I'll go with you! Of course, it'll have to be after I deal with my piles and piles of admirers, so it might take a while."

Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchange a glance, and in unison, they launch themselves at Oikawa.

。。。

The sun sets over Aoba Castle as Iwaizumi and Oikawa make their way to the back of the gym. Oikawa is fiddling nervously with the strap of his bag, seemingly lost in thought. Iwaizumi is slightly alarmed by how quiet he's being.

"Hey, trashass, you feeling okay?"

Oikawa jumps a foot into the air at the sudden hand on his shoulder. "Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be? I'm great! Just fantastic! Amazing!"

Iwaizumi side eyes him. "Who do you think it will be? It was hard enough dealing with the other girls, I don't want to have to reject another."

"… I don't know."

They arrive behind the gym. Iwaizumi looks around, noting the way the sunlight dapples the dusty ground through the shadows of the bare branches. The metal doors to the gym are firmly closed, and there's not a person in sight except for the two of them. Iwaizumi scowls. "What the hell? There's no one here. Oikawa, what do I do in this situation?" He turns to face Oikawa, and-

"Iwa-chan, please accept my confession!"

Iwaizumi blinks at Oikawa bent 90 degrees in front of him. "What. The fuck?"

It's not that Iwaizumi isn't, well, flattered. It's just that they've been best friends for over a decade, ever since Iwaizumi had shoved a bug down Oikawa's shirt and gotten a punch in the face and a faceful of Oikawa's tears. It's just that Iwaizumi knows Oikawa inside and out, but would rather die than tell anyone that he's proud of that fact. It's just that Iwaizumi has never suspected this coming, _at all,_ not even a smidge.

The silence stretches between them, and Iwaizumi desperately tries to conjure something to his blank mind, anything to stop it from becoming awkward.

"I know Iwa-chan has received many proposals from girls today, but please consider me." Oikawa is still bent double. Iwaizumi's mind is still radio static.

_Say something, say anything._

"Ah, girls usually have chocolates at these things, right?" Oikawa hastily fishes out a slightly squashed white box, wrapped with a ribbon, and shoves it at Iwaizumi. He opens it to reveal suspiciously handmade-looking chocolates. His heart is a block of lead, making its way past his stomach, past his intestines, settling at the base of his body.

"Oi, Shittykawa, don't joke about stuff like this." Iwaizumi gently pulls him back up. "…Are you feeling alright?"

Oikawa flushes bright red, not meeting his eyes. "Right. Yes. A joke. Of course. It's all a grand prank by me, your best friend."

"… Tooru?"

"I'm fine!" Oikawa's eyes are suddenly bright with unshed tears as he rips his arm out of Iwaizumi's grip. "I'm great! Wasn't this hilarious and well planned? I even made you chocolates and wrote you a letter! So convincing!"

"Oikawa, wait-"

"I hope you have a good laugh." Oikawa sniffles, his voice trembling. "At your childhood friend doing this kind of thing on Valentine's Day, at the chocolates I made, at my-" He chokes off, shoving a crumpled envelope into Iwaizumi's slack hand. He turns and runs.

As he stands there, letter in hand, hearing the sounds of Oikawa's footfalls grow fainter, Iwaizumi has the distinct sense that he's done something horribly, irreversibly wrong.

。。。

Hanamaki screeches from the other end of the phone. "Iwaizumi, what the fuck! You did not."

Iwaizumi is sitting against the school wall, his legs stretched out in front of him. "Well, what was I supposed to have done? I didn't see this coming!"

Hanamaki snorts. "Iwaizumi, for all you call Oikawa a dumbass, you really don't have a single brain cell."

"Well, _I didn’t-_ "

"Okay, shut up. Where are you? Mattsun and I are going to come get you."

Iwaizumi tilts his head back, staring at the orange sky through the leaves. "I'm… right outside Seijoh. The back alley where we used to trade Pokemon cards."

"Don’t you dare move a single inch." Hanamaki hangs up with a click. Iwaizumi lets the phone fall from his limp hand, and stares at the letter clutched in the other.

Milk-white envelope. Expensive, high quality, if slightly crumpled. _So that's where he vanished to at lunch._ In dark green ink, his name in Oikawa's scratchy handwriting: 岩泉 一

How hadn't he seen this coming?

He barely registers the pounding coming closer. He does register the long, high-pitched, very loud "IWAIZUMIIIIIII" as Hanamaki rounds the corner, Matsukawa barely a step behind. He stands up, and they skid to a stop in front of him. Before he can say a single word, Hanamaki punches him in the face.

Iwaizumi recoils, hands flying up to cover his cheek. "Makki, what the fuck?"

"Iwaizumi Hajime, what the fuck did you do?" Hanamaki is trembling with rage. "That was cruel of you."

Matsukawa glares at him. "Iwaizumi, I don’t condone violence, but I'd quite like to slam you into the wall."

He can feel his hands trembling. "No, I don't- I didn’t- I didn't see this coming! He completely blindsided me, how was I supposed to react?"

"How about not by calling his feelings a joke?"

"No, I just-" Iwaizumi clenches his hands. "Just listen, okay? Do I really seem like the type to do something cruel on purpose?"

"…30 seconds."

Iwaizumi blows out a breath. "You've heard of Akaashi and Bokuto, right? The setter-ace duo from Furokodani? They're famous not just for his pinpoint sets and his strength, but because Akaashi knows him well enough after only 2 years that he can anticipate everything Bokuto is going to do."

" _Get to the point_ , Iwaizumi," Matsukawa drawls.

"Shittykawa and I are like that. I've known him for 13 years, I can read him like an open book. How else do you think we could have pulled off that last play? But I never saw this coming."

Hanamaki facepalms. "Have you ever considered that maybe that's because for almost all the time you've known him, for almost all the time you've been able to read him he's been in love with you?"

"No, that's not it!" Iwaizumi yells, frustrated. "I know him, okay? He's never had this problem before, not when Asami-san confessed to me in middle school, not during those two weeks I went out with Hiroko in first year, not ever! I never even saw this coming!"

"Iwaizumi." Matsukawa's hand is firm on his shoulder. "'Zumi, calm down. It's impossible to know someone completely, inside and out." He looks to Hanamaki. "But he does have a point."

Hanamaki slowly untenses besides him. "Okay, so if Oikawa isn't hopelessly in love with him, then what?"

He winces as he probes the tender skin on his cheek. "I don’t know. That's the problem."

Matsukawa tips his head back against a lamppost. "To be honest, we all knew Oikawa had a special soft spot for you. It was pretty obvious."

"Yeah, but- to the point of confession?"

Iwaizumi just can't wrap his head around the notion. _I never saw this coming._

"Iwaizumi, wasn't it obvious to you? Friends come and go, and yet you're the only one that Oikawa wants to keep."

He knows Hanamaki is telling the truth. He's entertained them with enough stories of Oikawa's flighty friendships over the years. Somehow, he never manages to keep them for too long, shedding them like snakeskin as he rises through the grades. King of the court, king of the school, his favour as fickle as the summer sky.

"Have you even opened his letter?"

"…No, not yet."

Matsukawa clears his throat. "Okay, but there's really only one question, isn't there? Only one important one, anyways." His eyes bore into Iwaizumi's. 

"Do you think you can love him the way he loves you?"

"I… don’t know."

"Well, then. Are you prepared to lose him?"

_…No._

。。。

Iwaizumi opens the familiar gate, metal cold under his fingers in the moonlight, the scratch still there where he and Oikawa knicked it. He knocks tentatively on the door to the Oikawa house. It swings open, and he looks down to see Takeru standing there in cartoon-patterned pajamas.

"Iwaizumi-san."

"Takeru." Iwaizumi subtly slides his foot in the gap between the door and the frame. "Is your uncle home?"

"No, he hasn't come home yet. Mom says he went for a walk to clear his head." Takeru eyes him with slight suspicion, and Iwaizumi shifts from foot to foot, unsure what to do. "Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? We've already had dinner, I'm afraid."

"Sure."

It's very awkward. Iwaizumi sits directly opposite to Takeru at the dining table. Both of them are holding their mugs, Iwaizumi his white Ace! mug with green tea, Takeru his blue Doraemon mug with hot chocolate. They sit across each other in silence. Iwaizumi sips his tea quietly and tries not to fidget.

"Iwaizumi-san," Takeru speaks suddenly. "You're Tooru's best friend, right?"

"…I suppose so?"

Takeru fiddles with the handle of his cup. "So you'll know if something's up with Tooru, right? You'll still accept him no matter what?"

"Of course. That's what friends do, right?"

Takeru looks up at him suddenly, his eyes dead serious. "Iwaizumi-san, my uncle… isn't really interested in girls."

Iwaizumi feels his heart stop.

"He's dated them before, but… he's always put me, volleyball, or you and his friends first. He wasn't even that torn up when Aito-san dumped him."

"Takeru, different people process emotions differently," Iwaizumi says gently. "Some people have different priorities."

Takeru twists the handle harder. "But… Tooru all but told me he wasn't that interested in girls. I asked him about Fukada Kyoko, how Manaka's brother is 'completely whipped' for her. He said… that he's never really understood the appeal. That… that the closest thing to that he's experienced is his feelings towards you." He looks up at Iwaizumi, eyes wide and innocent. "Does that mean Tooru likes boys?"

 _Fuck._ Iwaizumi is definitely not the best person for this conversation, and this is definitely not the best time. He shakes his head quickly, nervously tapping his fingers against the wood. "Takeru, there's nothing wrong with liking boys. I don't know what your uncle's type is, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? Tooru is still my friend."

Takeru smiles at him tentatively. "Iwaizumi-san, you'll remember that, right? You'll always keep that in mind?"

His muscles lock into place. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"He… looks at you differently. I don’t know if it's ‘adult things’, but he's always happier when you're here pushing him around." Takeru takes a deep breath and nods at the letter peeking out from his bag. "Iwaizumi-san, if you got a confession, does that mean you're going to abandon my uncle for your girlfriend?"

Iwaizumi freezes.

"Takeru, I…"

What could he even say?

Takeru's eyes are far too serious for a boy of eight. "He's afraid of losing you, Iwaizumi-san. You can't leave him. He would be miserable."

Iwaizumi himself looks miserable. "I know."

。。。

Oikawa Eiko pulls her son to bed and pushes Iwaizumi out of the door with homemade dinner. _"Ah, Iwaizumi, Tooru hasn’t come back yet. Have you eaten? If you see Tooru, can you tell him that Takeru's gone to bed and that they'll have to play video games tomorrow?"_

Out of Takeru's earshot: _"Iwaizumi, I'm worried. The last time Tooru was home this late… well, if you find him, tell him to come home. I'm worried for him."_

Iwaizumi weighs the bundled food in his hand as he walks down the road, relishing the warmth. _Where would Oikawa be?_ He traces the neighbourhood in his mind. _Playground, convenience store, park, school, station… volleyball court._

When he reaches the old abandoned court, there is a faint glow and a dark figure crouched in the corner. Oikawa is hugging his knees to his chest, eyes staring unseeingly at his phone, rocking back and forth slightly, passing a ball between his hands. Iwaizumi feels his heart catch at the sight. Breaking into a run, he yells, "Hey, Trashykawa, what the hell are you doing?"

Oikawa's head snaps around to look at him, and the ball falls out of his hands with a thump. "Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi stands over him, scowling. "What the hell are you doing, staying out so late? Your sister was so worried. Here, shove over, I have food." Setting down the pack, he unwraps it, handing him a pair of chopsticks. The food is warm and fragrant, and Iwaizumi can hear both their stomachs rumble. He quickly spoons the rice and meat onto the lid of the container, pushing it towards Oikawa as he stares at him, gaping. "Oi, idiot, eat."

Oikawa doesn't move.

Iwaizumi can feel his temper fraying with worry. "Hey, Oikawa, did you not hear me?"

Oikawa blinks at him, eyes like black holes.

Something quietly snaps inside him and howls at the sight.

Iwaizumi deftly plucks a piece of braised beef from the makeshift plate and shoves it into his open mouth. Oikawa gags and splutters, barely managing not to choke or spit it out. "Iwa-chaaaaan, what the hell?"

He rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Shittykawa. Are you hungry?"

Oikawa blankly nods.

He shoves the food and chopsticks towards him. "Then eat."

It's strangely reminiscent of their childhood. Two almost-full-grown men, crouched around a light and eating from a lunchbox on the ground. Braised beef and fried rice, exactly what Eiko used to make for them when they continued their practice into the night. Iwaizumi can't even count how many times they've hunched in a corner and devoured their lunchboxes after a late night volleyball session. The only difference now is that their limbs are far longer, their minds slightly wiser, their hearts far heavier.

Oikawa picks at his food. "Iwa-chan, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, dumbass. It's half past nine, what are you doing out here?"

Oikawa opens his mouth, but no words come out. He rubs a hand over his face and tries again. "Why are you here?"

He blinks at him, a bite of rice halfway to his mouth. "I came to your house but you weren't there. Why wouldn't I come look for you?"

"Aren't you… disgusted by my confession?"

His treacherous heart skitters.

"Why would I be?"

"Because… I'm a boy. And you're a boy. And we're childhood friends. We're supposed to be like… brothers. Isn't this considered… unnatural?"

Iwaizumi is quiet as he chews his food. "Do you want me to consider it unnatural?"

Oikawa mutely shakes his head.

"Good, because I don't."

They finish their food in silence.

It's only when Iwaizumi is packing up their remains that Oikawa speaks again. "Have you… read it yet?"

Iwaizumi's hands pause on the knot of the bundle. "Hm?"

"Your stack of confession letters. Have you read them yet?"

He stands in one smooth motion. "Mm, not yet. I'll probably read them tonight and get back to the girls tomorrow."

He starts walking back in the direction of their houses. Oikawa's footsteps crunch on the gravel behind him.

"Are you… are you planning on accepting any of them?"

Iwaizumi hums, contemplative. "I don't know. I haven't read them yet. Probably not?"

They're almost at Oikawa's house. Iwaizumi starts towards the fork in the road when a cold hand closes around his wrist. He jumps. "Oi, Trashykawa, what-"

"Iwa-chan."

Oikawa's voice is subdued. Iwaizumi's mouth closes with a snap at the look on his face.

"Iwa-chan, if you haven't read it yet, please don't."

"…Huh?"

"Can we just… pretend this never happened?"

Iwaizumi would rip out his heart and throw it at his feet for Oikawa. He would gladly ignore a single letter if it meant keeping their friendship.

He nods.

Oikawa smiles weakly, taking the bundle from his hands. "Thanks, Iwa-chan."

"Anytime."

Oikawa turns and walks towards his house.

"Hey, Oikawa." Iwaizumi's hand is a comforting weight on his shoulder.

He turns.

"You know this doesn't change anything, right? It doesn't have to. I'll forget about it if you want me to, okay? We're still friends. Nothing will change that."

Oikawa's smile is tragic and beautiful all at once. "I know. Isn’t it awful?"

。。。

Iwaizumi is home alone. His parents are on the other side of the country for business, and he's an only child. There's no constant buzz of his phone from texts, no cheerful sing-song voice. Alone in the darkness, the house feels too empty, too cold. He paces in the living room. _Not reading a single sheet of paper should not be so hard._ He pulls out his phone.

_Iwaizumi: mattsun_  
_Iwaizumi: what do I do_

_Mattsun: sorry about hiro. he's a bit touchy about this sort of thing._  
_Mattsun: probably because that's how I accidentally rejected him_  
_Mattsun: lol we're not really out yet tho_  
_Mattsun: Have you talked to Oikawa yet?_

_Iwaizumi: no_  
_Iwaizumi: talked to Takeru though_  
_Iwaizumi: he said his uncle isnt interested in girls_

_Mattsun: but he doesn’t seem interested in boys either_  
_Mattsun: my gaydar is excellent trust me_  
_Mattsun: maybe it's just you?_

_Iwaizumi: yeah maybe_

_Mattsun: it's not like you haven't received letters before?_  
_Mattsun: then again you guys weren't in the same class_  
_Mattsun: he's always been… possessive… of you_  
_Mattsun: maybe he didn’t want to lose his best friend to a relationship._

Iwaizumi closes his eyes briefly. He can see it now. Oikawa, that idiot, walking into the classroom bright and early to clear away all the letters before they see and get mad. Oikawa, in the same class as Iwaizumi for the first time in three years, seeing the pink covering Iwaizumi's desk. Oikawa's eyes roving over the missives and struck with fear of losing Iwaizumi to a relationship. Oikawa sweeping the letters off the desk in a fit of rage, but no, that's not enough. Oikawa rushing to the library, grabbing an envelope, racing against time to get his thoughts out onto paper before it was too late. Oikawa placing the single green envelope on the desk, returning quickly to his own before Iwaizumi stepped foot in the classroom.

That idiot.

His phone buzzes again. _Are you going to talk it out with him?_

Well, Iwaizumi has understood Oikawa his whole life. He's not going to stop now.

。。。

"Iwaizumi-san~"

Iwaizumi's hackles rise. The voice is familiar, but the words are wrong. He leans out the window to see Oikawa standing below it, a smile plastered on his face. "Iwa- _Iwaizumi-san_ , we're going to be late for school!"

"Trashykawa, it's not even time yet, why the hell are you so early?"

"Ah, Iwaizumi-san always complains of me being late, so I thought I'd give him a nice surprise!" There's a distance between them, an almost unnoticeable stiffness in his face. Iwaizumi notices it. Iwaizumi hates it.

"Shitface, haven't you given me enough surprises lately?" He means for it to be joking, but Oikawa's eyes shutter and somehow, his smile turns even more plastic.

"We're going to be late for school, Iwaizumi-san! You should hurry up, you can't greet your crowds of admirers with _that_ hair."

There's a wall between him and Oikawa. It blurs his view of him, layers of… something… between them, and he reaches towards him, but somehow, he can't cross that unbridgeable distance.

"Oikawa, do we need to talk?"

Oikawa turns and smiles. "About what? Now come on, we'll be late for first period and Iwa-ch- _Iwaizumi_ won't get to talk to all the pretty girls~"

Iwaizumi. 

_Stop treating me like one of your shallow fangirls, Oikawa._ The words hover on his tongue, but he looks at the way his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, and he swallows them down. He brushes against him as he walks past, and Oikawa flinches.

_"We're still friends. Nothing will change that."_

Oikawa's smile stretches unnaturally, straining at the edges. 

_Isn’t it awful?_

He already hates everything about this godawful day.

。。。

"Iwaizumi-san!" Light footsteps sound from behind him. "Iwaizumi-san, wait up!"

Iwaizumi turns to see a willowy brunette running towards him, her curls bouncing as she approaches. She stops in front of him, hands on her knees as she catches her breath. Iwaizumi instantly feels a sense of unease overtake him.

"Ah, um, Maeda Ichika, right? From Class Five?"

"Iwaizumi-san!" Her eyes are bright as she bounces up and meets his eyes. "Do you have a minute?"

Iwaizumi looks around. The corridor is deserted, and Oikawa will probably be here any minute. Of course, it's equally likely that he'll be atrociously late. So. "…Sure. I'm just waiting on a friend."

"Excellent!" Her tiny hand closes around his wrist. With surprising strength, she drags him into his vacant classroom. Iwaizumi stares at the birdlike girl before him, feeling increasingly awkward. _What the hell does Maeda Ichika, of all people, want with him?_

Maeda quickly looks around for any stragglers and comes up empty, Satisfied, she sets her bag on a desk. "If Iwaizumi-san could just stand there…?"

He moves obligingly.

She drops into a bow, hands straight out in front of her, holding a pink box. Iwaizumi feels his heart jump into his throat.

"Iwaizumi-san! I had an appointment yesterday, so I am a bit late. But if you haven't accepted anyone else, please accept my confession!"

Oikawa, bent double, a fluffy head of hair in front of him. _Iwa-chan, please accept my confession!_

She straightens up and meets his eyes, almost a challenge. Her curls bob and settle to frame her face, a fetching picture. Iwaizumi's tongue is a stone in his mouth, and his mind is an empty canvas.

She takes his silence as a prompt to keep going. "I think Iwaizumi-san is really cool, he's the ace of the volleyball team! And I think he's really handsome, and tall, and strong, and I think he's so kind and nice. I understand that Iwaizumi-san is probably really popular with the girls, but if you don't have a girlfriend yet, I would be really happy if Iwaizumi-san went out with me!"

Iwaizumi studies her quietly.

Maeda Ichika, daughter of the TV producer Maeda Akira. The most popular girl in her class. She has hordes of admirers, almost as many as Oikawa does. Captain of the softball team, her limbs are lean with muscle and her figure is slender and strong. She's considered one of the most beautiful girls in school, with large bright eyes, soft lips, high cheekbones, a small delicate nose, and her long brown curls. The type of girl that boys whisper about in locker rooms. She's also known to be generous and kind and honestly, most boys would murder their classmate to date her. She's taller than her classmates, coming up past his nose. If she wore high heels, they would almost be the same height. She's willowy and almost ethereal, with legs for days, and Iwaizumi could comfortably rest his chin on her shoulder. 

Absurdly, a magazine spread flashes through his mind, one of those trashy teen magazines Oikawa reads for some reason: _Find out the perfect height ratio in a couple!_ Even more absurdly, his mind notes that their height difference is almost the same as his and Oikawa's. But she's an accomplished person in her own right, medals and scholarships under her belt, and she's pretty and nice.

She's… not a bad prospect.

But as Iwaizumi looks at her hopeful smile, all he can hear is Oikawa saying _Iwa-chan, please accept my confession!_ He looks at the pink box, perfectly wrapped, and his mind conjures up the crumpled white box still sitting on his nightstand. He looks at her, and there's no warmth curling in his chest, no flutter of attraction.

She's not a bad prospect.

But Iwaizumi can't date her.

Gently, Iwaizumi pushes the box towards her. "Maeda-san…"

Her eyes are already welling with tears. "Oh, no-"

"Maeda-san, you're really sweet and pretty, and I'm sure you'd be a great girlfriend! It's just-"

"Just not the one for you?" Her voice is bitter. "I've heard it all before. I've given this exact speech before. It's okay, Iwaizumi-san. I just thought I'd take the chance."

God, Iwaizumi just can't do things right these days. He tries again. "No, it's not-"

"It's okay." Her hands are cold on his arm. "Can you… can you at least tell me why?"

"Maeda-san, we're in our last year of high school, and I want to go into medicine. I need to focus on my studies, and it's not fair to you if I can't spend my time on you, or if we have to be separated across the country."

Maeda sniffles. Wordlessly, Iwaizumi hands her a tissue. "Is… is there already someone else?"

_Is there?_

"There's…" _what is there?_ "There's someone very special to me. I'm not sure what we are yet, but they're very precious to me. If I accept your confession… it would break their heart. And that would break mine."

"So I guess I was too late with my confession, huh?"

"I guess… my thing's been a long time in the making. It might have always been too late. It's not your fault."

"Is she at least… pretty? And kind? Will she treat Iwaizumi-san well?"

 _She._ Iwaizumi fights down the absurd urge to laugh.

"My person is… petty, and childish, and clingy. My person likes to pick fights, and overwork themself, and call me stupid names. They like to steal my food, tease me about my hair, and insult me."

Maeda hiccups quietly. "Then why won't Iwaizumi-san consider me? I'm beautiful and generous and kind, I'm smart, and strong, I can cook, and I have a bright future ahead of me. I can make Iwaizumi-san happy! Iwaizumi-san would be happy with me!"

He's quiet for a long time.

_I couldn't be prouder to have you as a partner, and you're the absolute best setter! Even if we end up on different teams, these facts will never change._

"Because… Because despite all their shortcomings, they make me very happy. They're someone I want to stay close to for a very long time." _Because he's my best friend, and even if he's a boy, and a fragile dumbass, I'll accept him as he is, no matter how he is._

The room is quiet save for their breathing. Maeda dabs at her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Maeda-san." Iwaizumi feels the awkwardness return with a passion. He fidgets with his hands. "I know you'll find someone better for you."

"I'm happy for Iwaizumi-san." She sniffles, burying her face in her hands. "But I would really appreciate it if I could have a moment alone."

Iwaizumi nods, and slips out of the room quietly. He leaves her there, shaking with sobs, alone in the middle of the room.

He slides the door shut gently. Turning around, he walks straight into Oikawa. They stare at each other for a moment, and Iwaizumi is suddenly very aware of the inch Oikawa has on him.

_The perfect height ratio in a couple!_

Oikawa is close enough that he can see the gold flecks in his eyes, feel his fringe brushing against his face. They're practically nose to nose. There is a strange intensity in his eyes, wide and bright and almost painful to look at. The hairs on Iwaizumi's arm stand up in the static-charged air.

"Shittykawa. Fancy seeing you here. You're almost punctual today."

The moment is broken. Oikawa leans back, his eyes still wide and unreadable. "Iwaizumi~ I thought I'd keep up the good work from this morning!"

 _Good work_. Iwaizumi doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. All day, there's been a chasm slowly widening between them, with _Iwaizumi-san_ this and _Iwaizumi-san_ that. Hell, Oikawa hasn't even teased him or initiated physical contact with him all day! Not to mention the side-eyes Makki and Mattsun were sending him, obviously thinking that he had done something wrong.

There's a chasm growing slowly between all of them. One wrong step and they all fall in. Iwaizumi doesn't know how to fix it.

He settles for his trademark scowl, shoving his hands into his pockets and stalking in the direction of the doors. Without looking, he knows Oikawa is following. "Whatever. Let's just go, okay?"

"What happened in the classroom?"

"With all due respect, Oikawa, it's not really any of your business."

Oikawa stops dead in the middle of the corridor. Iwaizumi doesn’t dare turn around to look at him. "Iwaizumi, is something the matter?"

 _Iwaizumi_.

Iwaizumi's temper snaps. "Yes, something is the goddamn matter!" he growls, rounding on Oikawa. "It's been a terrible day, and I don’t know how you couldn't tell! First my best friend shows up in the morning way too early with his smile looking like he’s just injected himself with botox, and he won't call me by his weird nickname for me! And guess what, he's been terribly awkward for the whole day! Because yeah, I'll definitely have a great day with all that going on, won't I? Especially since it's right after he confessed to me?"

"Iwaizumi-"

" _STOP CALLING ME THAT,_ " Iwaizumi roars, hands curling into fists. "Stop fucking calling me that! If you call me Iwaizumi-san _one more goddamn time_ , Tooru, I swear. I will break your nose, right here, right now. No, close your mouth, because _I swear to god_ -"

"Hajime."

Iwaizumi finally looks at Oikawa, really, properly _looks_.

There are two bright spots of red high on his cheeks, and his lip is trembling, as are his hands. Oikawa swallows. "Hajime, what happened in the classroom?"

Iwaizumi forces himself to take a deep breath. "It's nothing."

"Hajime, _please._ " He sounds near tears. "Please just tell me."

Iwaizumi turns and continues towards the doors. "Maeda Ichika from Class 5 confessed to me. She said she was absent yesterday, and hoped that she wasn't too late. What do you think happened?" _We both know you were right there outside the door._

"Iwa-chan." Oikawa's voice sounds from behind him. It sounds all wrong, too hard and too vulnerable all at the same time. "Iwa-chan, at least tell me what you replied to her."

"Oh, for fuck's sake-" Iwaizumi whirls around and grabs Oikawa's tie, yanking him down the dim side corridor. Oikawa yelps in shock, opening his mouth to protest. At the sight of Iwaizumi's glare, he shuts it with a click. Iwaizumi grabs his collar, shoving him into the wall, pulling him down so that they're eye-to-eye.

"I know you heard it," Iwaizumi hisses, his hands fisted in the front of his neatly pressed shirt. "Don't you dare pretend you weren't eavesdropping, Tooru. I know you heard what I said. Don’t do our friendship this disservice by pretending you didn't. I told you yesterday that nothing was going to change, didn't I? What part of that did you not understand?"

Neither of them bring up what Iwaizumi had said to Maeda.

"But… I… Did you… did you mean it?" Oikawa's voice is barely a thread, and he won't meet his eyes. He doesn't specify what he's referring to.

Iwaizumi releases him with a snort. "Dumbass. When have I ever lied about anything about you?"

He doesn't need to.

。。。

It had been one of the most awkward walks home of his life. Oikawa had broken away almost as soon as they reached the station, claiming a need to run an errand. Iwaizumi didn't stop him. Then Oikawa had gotten 'sick' and skipped practice, and the weekend had passed without a single peep from him. Iwaizumi hadn't tried to initiate contact with him, and they hadn't spoken since.

Now, sitting alone on his bed on Sunday night, he wishes he had. Sitting alone on his bed, there's nothing to occupy his thoughts except… well, Oikawa. Again. Oikawa, and the lack thereof, and _Oikawa, Oikawa, Oikawa_. Oikawa bowing in front of him, Oikawa's silhouette as he flees, Oikawa's eyes lit in the artificial corridor light, spun glass lit by glowing hope.

His setter, his captain, his best friend.

He pulls the letter out of his bag, smoothing its creases out with his fingers. Even after so long, he still hasn’t opened the envelope. He's made a promise, after all. The words loop in his head, a spinning vinyl of doom.

_"Iwa-chan, please accept my confession!"_

A moment of intense emotion, then two days of radio silence. He sets the letter on the bedside table and sighs, flopping down on his bed. The moon shines into his eyes, a glowing disk hanging outside his window. What is he going to do?

_"Do you think you can love him the way he loves you?"_

Iwaizumi doesn't think he's capable of loving anyone the way he loves Oikawa. He and Oikawa are almost one and the same. If Iwaizumi was a more sentimental person, he might call them soulmates, destined by fate. 

And yet. 

As likely as it seems, he's not attracted to Oikawa… in that sense. He's not attracted to him romantically. If Oikawa got asked out by a girl, he wouldn't be… heartbroken.

His inner voice snorts. _That's because he always comes back to you. And you know it._

"Shut up," he growls, clamping his pillow over his ears.

 _He's never had a serious girlfriend, has he?_ The voice continues, taunting. _Every time, he comes back to you. Does he want something you can't give him?_

The problem is that Iwaizumi would give him the world, no matter what it cost him. Iwaizumi would tear himself apart, over and over and over, to stay at Oikawa's side.

His phone buzzes on the table. Groaning, he reaches over and pulls it towards his face.

_You have one (1) new message from Shittykawa_

He feels his heart begin to race.

_Shittykawa: iwachan im by hirose river_

He's too glad that he's back to being _Iwa-chan_ (glad that Oikawa is finally letting him back in) that he almost doesn’t register the next message that comes in.

_Shittykawa: I got beat up._  
_Shittykawa: Can you come get me?_  
_Shittykawa: im sorry_

Iwaizumi is already yanking his hoodie over his head and shoving his feet into his shoes before he finishes reading the text. He ducks out the back door and runs for the alley, grabbing his volleyball bag from beside the door.

_im sorry_

He grits his teeth as he swings a leg over his bike. _Dumbass, what the hell are you sorry for?_

_can you come get me?_

**ba-dump.**

_Anytime._

**ba-dump.** He turns the corner, speeding past the playground where Oikawa set for him for the first time.

Hanamaki. _"Iwaizumi, isn't it obvious? Friends come and go, and yet you're the one that Oikawa wants to keep."_

 **ba-dump.** The convenience store, where Iwaizumi bought Oikawa milk bread after his first breakup. Oikawa hadn't seemed all that torn up about it, and had proclaimed that store as the king of milk bread stores.

Takeru. _"My uncle… isn't really interested in girls."_

 **ba-dump.** He pedals faster, ignoring the way his leg muscles protest. From here, he can see the lights on the Hirose River Bridge.

_"Did you hear? Maeda Ichika, that gorgeous girl from Class Five, is going to ask out the ace of the volleyball team!"_  
_"No way, she's so adorable, they'll be perfect together!"_

_Oikawa, the volleyball slipping from his fingers, a lone figure turning and fleeing._

**ba-dump.** He jumps off his bike, letting it crash to the ground, and scans frantically. A lone figure stands there, leaning on the railing.

_Despite all their shortcomings, they make me very happy. They're someone I want to stay close to for a very long time._

He recognises the stiff set of his shoulders, the way he stands and moves and breathes. Oikawa Tooru stands on the bridge, hands braced on the railing.

_"He's afraid of losing you, Iwaizumi-san."_

_"Are you prepared to lose him?"_

Iwaizumi runs.

。。。

Oikawa Tooru stands on the bridge, looking out over Hirose River, a silhouette in the street lamps. He's in a button-down that Iwaizumi is 80% sure is stolen from his own closet, and the ends of his hair flutter in the wind. And for the first time in his life, Iwaizumi can’t read Oikawa at a glance.

Almost absurdly, his brain whispers that _it's almost time for Oikawa to get a haircut, he's going to be complaining about it and the school's not going to let it slide._ He stares at Oikawa's back, the cold wind stinging at his eyes.

"Don’t jump."

His voice cracks.

The joke falls flat.

Oikawa turns, and his eyes are terrifyingly blank. "Don’t worry, Iwa-chan, I’m not going to." Blood trickles down from his temple, dripping onto his collar, and Iwaizumi almost instinctively reaches out to wipe it away. Oikawa flinches away from his hand, and it feels like his soul is cleaving in half, a neat no-touch service ace straight through his heart.

"God, Oikawa, what happened?"

Oikawa shrugs listlessly. "Someone jumped me behind the convenience store." He doesn’t elaborate on why he's standing alone on a bridge, dangling his hands over the edge. Iwaizumi doesn't push him further. Oikawa shoves his hands into his pockets and looks away. "Sorry to have bothered Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi drops the bag at their feet and scowls. "Dumbass. It's never a bother. How were you planning on getting home otherwise? You'll scare your family to death with the state you're in." Quickly, he shoots off a text to Eiko saying that _Oikawa is staying at my place tonight, sorry to have worried you_. Oikawa watches him with detached disinterest, carefully holding himself away from him.

Iwaizumi looks up from his phone at him, and he flinches again. There's a bruise starting to bloom across his right cheek, and there's quite a bit of blood on his face, both fresh from his temple and dried under his nose. Iwaizumi feels his heart pulse slow, pounding deep and cold. "Oikawa, who did this to you?"

"I didn't… I didn't really see them."

Iwaizumi furrows his brow. Everything is screaming that Oikawa is lying. But Oikawa never lies, not about stuff this serious. To cover this up… why would he? "Bullshit. Spit it out, Shittykawa."

Oikawa exhales quietly and holds out a scrap of paper. Half of a boarding pass, smudged white paper bearing the words MAEDA ICHIRO, CX 456. 

He looks up at Oikawa, realisation and horror slowly dawning in his eyes. "It's not…"

Oikawa's smile doesn’t reach his eyes. "Doesn't Ichika-kun have an older brother who was on a business trip?"

She does. Maeda Ichiro and Maeda Ichika, the first born son with the sharpest mind in town and the daughter as beautiful as a thousand flowers in bloom. Inheriting their uncle's business, Ichiro runs an advertising firm from Sendai and Tokyo, jetsetting between them and international contacts. Recently, it's been said that he's landed a huge contract with the Korean broadcasting service Mnet, and that once Ichika graduates, she'll be off to America to study law at Harvard, following her mother into the corporate world.

Maeda Ichiro, who won gold in the karate interhighs three years in a row. Maeda Ichiro, who loves his sister more than anything, who would do anything for his sister. Maeda Ichiro, who, apparently, beat up his best friend at night.

Fury is bubbling up, slow and hot and heavy. _How dare they. How dare they lay a single finger on him._

Oikawa is still looking at him with wide dead eyes. He doesn't seem to register the blood on his face. Iwaizumi reaches towards him again, and Oikawa steps backwards. "Iwa-chan, you don't need to-"

"Shut up, yes I do." Amazingly, Oikawa complies. Iwaizumi leans in and presses a wad of gauze to the cut on his head. With the other hand, he gently wipes the blood from his face with a wet tissue, wincing as Oikawa hisses in pain.

"Ow."

"Sorry-"

"Iwa-chan, that hurts-"

"I'm sorry!"

Oikawa wriggles under his hand. "Iwa-chan, are you doing this on purpose? Wahhh, Iwa-chan is so mean to me!"

"For fuck's sake, Trashykawa-" Irritated, he leans back to see Oikawa's eyes sparkling with suppressed laughter. "Oh, I see how it is. I come all the way out here, and all you do is complain about my help."

Oikawa snickers quietly. "Iwa-chan is just too easy to wind up."

Iwaizumi narrows his eyes and presses the wad of cotton hard. Oikawa yelps and pouts. "Fine, I'll be nice to poor mean Iwa-chan." He falls still as Iwaizumi methodically clears away the dried blood.

Iwaizumi presses a fresh pad of gauze to the cut on his forehead with one hand, and roots around in his bag with the other. Oikawa instinctively reaches down to help, but Iwaizumi scowls and spreads his fingers on his head, effectively keeping him in place. "Dumbass, do you want to bleed all over me?" Already, red is seeping through the cloth. Finding the roll of tape, Iwaizumi carefully tapes the cotton in place and leans back to admire his handiwork. "There, now your ugly mug is obscured."

Oikawa grins at him, finger-combing his fringe so that it hangs over the bandage and his eyes. "Thanks, Iwa-chan. I really appreciate it." Iwaizumi sighs at his busted knuckles and reaches for a fresh roll of bandages.

"Did you even get a hit in? Or did you cut open your hands missing a punch and hitting the wall?"

Oikawa pauses, gaping at him. "Iwa-chan, I am offended that you would ask me that! Of course I did! Ichiro-san is going to have a lovely black eye blooming tomorrow."

Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow.

"Fine. Maybe I did miss him and scrape up my hands on the pavement a little bit. But I really did get him a few times!"

Iwaizumi gently untangles his hands from his bangs. "Alrighty, Shittykawa, what a ferocious fighter you are. Now come here and sit down. Do you want me to wrap your hands or not?"

They sit in silence. The river crashes along the shore underneath them, the wind dances through their hair, and their breathing instinctively syncs up, long, slow breaths. Iwaizumi quietly winds the bandages around his knuckles, and Oikawa can feel his heart pick up. _Iwa-chan is fixing you. Iwa-chan feels safe._ He bites his lip, tears inexplicably welling to his eyes at the intimacy of them, sitting together, Iwaizumi wrapping his hands. _Iwa-chanisclosetoyou, ishegoingtoleave, he'sgoingtoleave, youshouldlethimleave._ He's lost in his own thoughts when-

"I'm going to kill him."

Oikawa jolts him, eyes wide with shock. "Iwa-chan, no! He's not worth it."

Iwaizumi's scowl deepens. "Bullshit. He went after you, defenseless. He deserves whatever shit I serve up to him on a platter."

"But then you'll wreck your chances with Maeda-san-" Oikawa's teeth click together as his mouth snaps shut. Iwaizumi stares at him weirdly.

"Dumbass, did you forget that I rejected her?"

He smiles woodenly. "Right."

They lapse back into silence. Oikawa tilts his head back against the railing, his face falling slack. _Your precious Iwaizumi-san deserves to be with my sister. Don't ruin his future with your unnatural feelings._ No. Iwa-chan had said that he wasn't unnatural. He was fine. He was normal. 

The treacherous voice in the corner of his mind cackles. _You're still ruining his future. His happy ending. Oikawa Tooru, famed for drawing out potential. Are you going to cut off his life here?_

Iwaizumi deftly tapes down the end of the bandage and dusts off his hands. "Right, all done."

Oikawa keeps his eyes shut.

"…Oikawa?"

"It’s okay, Iwa-chan. You can go home now, I think I'll stay here for a little longer."

Without opening his eyes, he can already tell that he's scowling. "Come on, Shittykawa. I told your sister you're staying with me tonight. Besides, I'm not letting you get yourself into trouble again."

Oikawa laughs humourlessly. "Iwaizumi-san, please." He stands up in one fluid motion, shaking his hair out, carefully avoiding looking in Iwaizumi's direction. He smiles toothily, letting his eyes curve with the smile till he can't see him. "I think you should go home and sleep. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Okay, Shittykawa, what the fuck-"

His throat closes up. "See you tomorrow, Iwaizumi." He makes himself take a step away from Iwaizumi. Then another. And another. He's painfully aware of Iwaizumi at his back, the distance slowly growing between them. _It's for the best. You're helping him._

It's the hardest thing he's ever had to do.

He's barely 5 meters from the end of the bridge. It's longer than he remembered, or is that just the tension? His hands curl into fists, and he takes a step, and another, and another, and-

_"OIKAWA TOORU, IF YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP, THEN THIS IS IT, OKAY?"_

He falls still. _What?_

"If you take another step, then that's it. That's it for us. That's the end of our friendship, okay?" Iwaizumi's voice cracks on the last word. "That's it. If you walk away, then I guess we're not friends anymore."

_What??_

Oikawa turns around.

Iwaizumi's face glistens suspiciously in the moonlight, and it takes a moment for him to realise.

And _oh, oh god no,_ he's crying. Iwaizumi Hajime, ace of the Seijoh team, Oikawa's best friend, ladies men and men's men, is _crying._ Iwaizumi never cries. The last time he had seen him cry was… Well, the volleyball goodbye. But apart from that, Oikawa can't remember the last time Iwaizumi cried. 

Iwaizumi never cried. Even since they were little, Oikawa was the emotional one, crying over the tiniest things. Iwaizumi was always the rock, the steady one, the one channelling his emotions into boundless fury and concern. Iwaizumi. Never. Cried.

Iwaizumi stands there on the bridge, tears rolling down his face.

"Iwa-chan, wait-"

"Damn It, Tooru! I don't- what's going on? You can't just keep it all to yourself! Let me help you! You can't just keep it all to yourself!" It's awful. He hates it. Iwaizumi isn't an ugly crier, but the sight itself is just so… _fundamentally wrong,_ like seeing the sky turn a violent shade of neon green. Iwaizumi chokes on a sniffle, burying his face in the collar of his hoodie. "God, Oikawa, just, just _tell me!_ Something is just, obviously wrong! I can't, I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need from me!"

What he needs from him?

It would be unbelievably selfish to tell him the truth.

Iwaizumi's shoulders heave with muffled sobs. "Tooru, please, just- just tell me what you want from me."

He can live a beautiful lie if it means staying with Iwaizumi.

"Iwa-chan."

Oikawa's hand is cold on his shoulder, even through the layers he wears.

"Hajime, look at me."

He looks up.

Oikawa's face is ashen and he looks stricken. "Iwa-chan, are you sure you want me to ask?"

"Oikawa, anything is better than this, this _distance!_ I don’t know what to do, and I don't know how to help you! It's, I hate it. It feels wrong, and I hate it so much. Just, please just tell me what you want from me."

Oikawa moves closer, his face blank and unreadable. His hand trembles as it moves up to cup his face. "Tell me you won't regret it. Promise me you won't. Swear it on your grandmother's grave."

_"I won't."_

Oikawa's eyes flutter shut. A soft exhale against his skin. "Hajime. This is what I want from you."

He leans in and closes the distance.

Iwaizumi won't say he's never been kissed before. He's had a couple of girlfriends, nothing too serious. A couple of kisses, and those weren't too serious either. He can't say he hated it, but he didn't particularly enjoy it either. Girls liked it, and he didn't want to disappoint them, so he went along with it. Kissing was just… something people did. 

With Oikawa, it's different. Oikawa's lips are chapped and dry, and he tastes faintly of blood. The bandages on his hands are rough against his skin, but his fingers are calloused and familiar. A faint frisson of warmth snakes along his spine. He's kissing his best friend, and he doesn't hate it, but… it's nothing special. Oikawa is a good kisser, sure, but there's not really anything there. There's no fireworks, no champagne bubbles, just a faint bloom of warmth. It's… just another kiss. It feels right, normal, but it also feels… wrong.

Oikawa's hands are clammy and trembling against his skin. Oikawa's face is wet with tears, and his eyes are screwed shut. Oikawa's shoulders are curling in, and they shake with poorly suppressed sobs. Oikawa's hand is uncomfortably tight on his waist, and his whole body is tense and knotted. Oikawa is kissing him, but he's crying, and it feels wrong, it all feels wrong, it feels so, _so_ wrong.

Iwaizumi wraps a hand around his wrist. "Stop."

Oikawa somehow tenses further. He pushes forward with a vengeance, their teeth clacking together as he deepens the kiss. Iwaizumi's lips part to yell and he slips his tongue in, probing his mouth open.

Iwaizumi braces his hands against his chest and pushes. "Tooru, I said _stop!_ "

Oikawa's eyes snap open and he falls backwards with a crash.

They stay there, staring at each other, panting. Iwaizumi's heart is pounding, a horse galloping a hundred miles per hour.

A single tear leaks out of the corner of Oikawa's eye, following the tear tracks already marring his face.

Iwaizumi knows his eyes are wild, knows that he probably looks ravaged and debauched. Oikawa looks that way after all, lips cherry red and face flushed.

The only difference is that Oikawa's eyes look shattered. He looks… broken.

Iwaizumi casts for words, but his treacherous brain empties into radio static.

"You promised, Hajime." Oikawa hugs his knees to his body, his voice trembling almost as much as his hands. "You promised you wouldn't regret it."

He crouches so that he's eye-to-eye with Oikawa. "Oikawa, look at me."

Oikawa won't meet his eyes. "It's okay, Iwaizumi. I didn't expect-"

"Tooru, please."

He looks up.

Iwaizumi chooses his next words very carefully. "I don't… regret anything. But why didn't you promise me that you wouldn't?"

"I don't-"

"Tooru, I thought we agreed not to lie to each other."

Oikawa smiles without joy. "Iwa-chan, have you read my confession letter?"

Iwaizumi shakes his head, pulling out the sealed envelope. "I promised you, didn't I?"

"...Read it."

With surprisingly steady hands, he unfolds the page. Oikawa’s handwriting is familiar, characters neat and flowing on the page. He takes a deep breath and starts to read.

_Iwa-chan,_

_With how many confessions I receive, you'd think I know how to write a letter myself! Well, I don’t. Please excuse my feeble attempt._

_Iwa-chan, I've known you for over a decade, since you shoved a beetle down my shirt in the abandoned woods. Was that your idea of making friends? I'd say your personality has improved since then. You’ve grown a lot, both physically and emotionally. Some might even call you charming and a lady-killer. What I'm trying to say is: I like you. I really like you, and I treasure our friendship so much, and I want to stay close to you even after a long time._

A hand stops him before he can go any further.

Oikawa's eyes are sad. " _'If you confess, you get to keep him.'_ Isn't that how it works in every romance movie?"

_Oh._

"Iwa-chan, I think I might be broken." Oikawa's voice is barely a whisper. The wind ruffles through his hair and he shivers, shrinking into himself. "Iwa-chan, why am I like this?"

"Takeru said," and here Iwaizumi pauses. "Takeru said that you weren't interested in girls."

Oikawa lets out a sound that's half-laugh, half-sob. "He did?"

Iwaizumi hesitates. "Oikawa, are you…"

"Gay? No, I don’t think so. I'm about as interested in men as I am in girls."

They let the silence stretch out.

"Oikawa, there's nothing wrong with being gay-"

"But I'm not." Oikawa's eyes are shiny with unshed tears. "I'm not _gay_. I don't like men. I just don't like women either."

"Tooru-"

"What's wrong with me?" Oikawa's voice is small, frightened. "Why don't I want to date people? Even when I was dating Risa-chan, all I cared about was volleyball. That's why she left me, isn't it? Why can other people fall in love, and I can't? Am I so inherently unlovable that I can't even feel love for others?"

Iwaizumi shifts so he's sitting next to Oikawa and wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Oikawa, no. You do feel love, and you feel it so strongly-"

"No I don't!" Oikawa twists sharply, eyes flaring wide. "In the whole letter, I don't say a single thing romantically once, okay? I don't- I can't- why would people throw themselves into the ocean for a girl? Or a boy? I don't understand it! I can't experience that love! I'm, I'm somehow less than human!"

 _Slap._ The sound echoes in the silence.

Oikawa's hands come up to cup his cheek. "Iwa-chan-"

"For a top student, you really are an idiot." Iwaizumi's shoulders are tense and his brow is furrowed. "You think you don't feel love the way it should be felt? Then what about your family? What about the team? What about volleyball? What about Yahaba, Kyoutani, Kunimi? What about Makki and Mattsun? What about Takeru? What about me?"

"That's different! I-"

"I've never experienced romantic love the way the stories tell it, either. Does that make me broken too?"

Oikawa’s breath catches in his throat. _You what?_

Iwaizumi sighs. "Oikawa, you're so… you. You're focusing so single-mindedly on one thing, on what people see as 'perfect', that you lose sight of everything else. Love is… love isn't just a man and a woman. Love is everywhere. Are you really so much of an idiot that you think anything other than romantic love isn't love? Just because people think that romantic love should be the most powerful all-encompassing force doesn’t mean that it is! Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t throw yourself in the ocean for the team, for your sister, for Takeru. What do you think family is, friendship is?"

Oikawa presses his eyes to his sleeve. "I just… Iwa-chan got so many confession letters. And Ichika-kun, she's… she's almost a perfect wife. I don't want to get in the way of Iwa-chan's happy ending."

Iwaizumi snorts. "Is that what this is about?"

"Maeda-san said… Maeda-san said that I would be ruining your future. He said that making you choose my friendship over his sister's love was selfish, that this kind of close friendship never lasted past college. Ichiro-san said that as long as I loved you like this, I would be holding you back."

Iwaizumi squeezes his shoulders. "See? As long as you love me like this. It's still a form of love."

Oikawa flares up angrily. "But you don't understand! I don't want to be why Iwa-chan doesn't live a long and happy life! I want Iwa-chan to be able to find a partner he can settle down with and be happy!"

"Hey, Oikawa. Don't you think that I should make my own judgements in things like this?"

He looks away.

Iwaizumi's eyes are unbearably soft. "Oikawa, do you trust me?"

_How could I not?_

He nods.

"You idiot, I'm not going to leave."

Hot tears pool in his eyes.

Iwaizumi gently presses a kiss to his temple. "Tooru, 大好きだよ. Not in the original meaning, not romantically. No strings attached, just 大好きだよ. I love you, as a friend. I enjoy being by your side. And I'll stay by your side for as long as you want me to."

His heart aches with something that might be hope, something that might be joy. _He understands me he Understands me he understands Me._

Suddenly, Oikawa can't bear to look at him a second more. He turns and runs.

。。。

Iwaizumi curses under his breath as he struggles to his feet and takes off after him. _I seem to spend half my life chasing after this asshole._ But that's okay. He's going to stay with him. It doesn’t matter if he has to work for it. He loses sight of him as he rounds a bend, and mentally slaps himself for leaving his bike behind. _Where would Oikawa go?_

Then in a flash of clarity, it comes to him.

_The shrine. Back to where it all began._

。。。

He's lost his shoes somewhere on the way, kicking them off at the way they pinch his toes. All that's on his mind is to _runrunrun, get away away away to somewhere safe._

His feet lead him on a familiar path. The dirt road is smoothed and unused, undiscovered by others. He runs up, letting the familiar surroundings guide him, and he finds himself at the abandoned shrine.

_This is where Iwa-chan and I used to play._

There are fragments left behind by others, abandoned boxes and footprints. Other children have played here. New friendships have started here. The cycle of life starting anew, decay and growth and new shoots.

He stands at the decrepit entrance and breathes

“ _Oikawa, you idiot._ Why are you running away?" Iwaizumi pants, appearing at the top of the hill. "Figures you'd be here. The old dirt road is still a secret, huh?"

Iwaizumi as he is now, Iwaizumi in middle school, Iwaizumi as a child. The images superimpose themselves over each other, blurring into a single figure. He can't take it, it's too much, too much feeling, too fast. He can't face Iwaizumi right now. He’s off, running again. _The stairs, the stairs are there, the main road up. I can take it down. They're right there, I can run and-_

He trips and stumbles.

His foot meets air. For a second, he hangs there, right over the ledge. _I'm going to fall. I'm going to fall and I'm going to die. Iwa-chan is going to watch me break my neck on the stairs and-_

Strong hands wrap around his arm and haul him back up.

They stay there at the top of the stairs, unmoving, two boys back to chest, leaning against each other. Oikawa can feel his heart thudding behind his ribs, can feel Iwaizumi's chest expand with each breath. He can feel the cold stone beneath his feet, the warmth of Iwaizumi at his back.

A single shaft of dawn light cuts through the dusty dark, dappling through the leaves. They stand there, in front of the abandoned shrine, illuminated by the slice of the sun.

Oikawa could cry at how beautiful the moment is.

"Dumbass." Iwaizumi's voice is low and raspy in his ear. "Stop running so far ahead. I'll always be behind you, okay? I've got you."

Iwaizumi's caught him, but Oikawa is _fallingfallingfalling_ , spiralling up and out and away; _he'sgotmehe'sgotmehe'sgotme_ but he's standing between Iwaizumi and his happy ending. He loves Iwaizumi, but not in the way Iwaizumi needs, and he can't let him make this choice.

“Stop. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. It’s okay, Tooru.”

"I'm selfish, Iwa-chan." Oikawa blinks furiously at the ground, tears glinting silver on his lashes. "If you love someone, you should be happy that they found someone they can be happy with. But I'm selfish. I can't let you go."

Iwaizumi snakes his arms around his waist, resting his forehead on his shoulder. He huffs out a laugh. "Stop jumping to conclusions, Oikawa. Who said I was going to leave? 'M not letting you go off and leave me alone so easily."

Oikawa isn't going to cry. He isn't going to let himself cry.

"Can I read the rest of the letter now?"

He nods, not trusting his voice.

A rustling of paper as Iwaizumi pulls it back out. His eyes flicker over the page, and Oikawa's throat is bone dry. He hears his heart beating in his ears, feels hope and trepidation mixing in the dip between his collarbones, is acutely aware of where he is, of Iwaizumi's hand resting on his waist.

Paper rustles again as Iwaizumi finishes the letter and folds it up. Neither of them say a word.

He turns to face him. "…so?"

Iwaizumi bites his lip. "Tooru, this confession. Do you… actually want to date me?"

…Oikawa shakes his head.

"Well."

His heart is in his throat.

In one smooth motion, Iwaizumi tears the letter in half, then in half, and half, and half again. He throws the shreds up in the air like confetti, and they float down around the two of them, their own twisted cherry blossoms blooming.

Oikawa's eyes are the size of saucers, and he can't do anything other than just stare and gape. "Iwa-chan, you- I- what- huh?"

"I don't particularly want to date you either. At least not in the traditional romantic sense."

_what?_

"This letter… it's your way of trying to keep me with you instead of having me run off with a girlfriend, right? I don't… there aren't actually romantic feelings attached to it?"

He shakes his head again.

Iwaizumi blows out a long breath. "Then the question you asked. You already know my answer, don't you?" He reaches out and twines their hands together. "You're still the best partner I could ask for, you dumbass. Of course I'll stay close to you."

The sun splits the sky over the treetops, and for a brief moment, everything glows. It's almost too bright to see, and Oikawa feels the light spread through him, cleansing him, purifying him.

It's a new day.

The world stops, and there is just the dazzling sun rising over the trees, the rasp of leaves against leaves in the wind, the warmth of the morning on their skin.

There are just two boys, standing there, hand in hand. Two boys, promising to each other to stay together. Two boys, and all they need is their friendship, all they need is each other.

( _"Iwa-chan, you do know you have to pick all that up, right? Littering is bad!"_

_"Oikawa, where the hell are your shoes?"_

_"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck Iwa-chan we're late for class-"_

_"It's a school holiday, dumbass. I'm going home to sleep for the next 12 hours. You coming?"_ )

。。。 

_"Iwa-chan~"_

A rock clacks on his window.

Iwaizumi's eyes snap open and he scowls reflexively. _There is no way that it's time already._ He leans out the window to see Oikawa merrily waving, face stuffed with bread. His fringe is combed down, presumably to hide the bright band-aid peeking on his forehead. "Iwa-chan, good morning!" 

Iwaizumi seriously considers hurling his pillow out the window at him. "Oi, Crappykawa, what the hell? It's not even time for school yet! Why are you trying to break my window?"

Oikawa grins at him, cheeks stuffed full like a squirrel. He fights an urge to laugh. "Iwa-chan is all alone at home, I thought he'd be lonely! Of course, I also thought that he would forget to wake up, with what a lazypants he is." 

"You- I- Hngh- Gah!" 

"Are you going to invite me in? The whole neighbourhood can hear us and see your crappy bedhead!" 

_If I slam the window shut, maybe I can still sleep. Ugh, no, Oikawa’s already here, it would be rude. Damn you, inbred politeness._ "Don’t pretend you don’t know where the key is. Let yourself in." 

Oikawa laughs from out of sight. "See, I'm so polite! I woke you up and asked you before coming in!" 

"Oikawa, I swear to god I am going to kill you." 

By the time Iwaizumi makes it downstairs, tying his tie, Oikawa is seated at the table, tea boiling on the stove. He gestures with his elbows towards the cups. "Help yourself." 

Iwaizumi snorts. "Your pink plaster looks hilarious. Also, this is my house." 

Oikawa tuts at him "Iwa-chan, don't talk like that when your tie is so sloppy. Are you a first year? Here, let me-" He knocks Iwaizumi's hands away and deftly knots it. "There, your tie is neat and Iwa-chan is pretty now." 

Iwaizumi scowls and yanks at Oikawa's tie, undoing it. "I've always been pretty. Fix your tie and let's have tea."

"You're so meannnn~ Your tea leaves aren't even that good!" 

"Careful, asshole, or I'll pour it down your shirt." 

" _Iwa-chan, I MADE this tea!_ Are you going to waste the fruits of my labor?" 

"The tea leaves 'aren't even that good', remember?" 

。。。 

They're in the schoolyard, winter trees rustling above their heads. Iwaizumi is arguing with Oikawa, like normal, and they're late for their lunch gathering with Matsukawa and Hanamaki, like normal. Everything is fine. They're poking fun at each other, and girls are sighing over them and trying to seem like they're not, and Iwaizumi's stomach is rumbling as he herds Oikawa towards the school gates. "We're already late and I'm hungry, Oikawa. Move faster!" 

Oikawa has the audacity to pout at him. "Iwa-chan, I'm injured! I even have the plaster to prove it, see?" The band-aid is still as aggressively neon as it was in the morning, and Iwaizumi has to blink the aftertaste out of his eyes. 

"Okay, but if we're late, you're paying." 

Oikawa _finally_ lets himself be yanked along by his arm. "Fine! Even though I am still completely broke from the last time we had ramen!" 

They don’t even make it five meters before he skids to a stop. 

Iwaizumi groans, whipping around to look at him. "Okay, asshole, what now?" 

His eyes are wide and blank, and he nods at something behind Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi turns back around to see Maeda Ichika approaching, her heels clicking against the stone ground. _Ah._

A corner of Oikawa's mouth quirks up and he unhooks his arm from Iwaizumi's, backing away. "Good luck, Iwa-chan~" 

Resignedly, Iwaizumi turns back around to see Maeda's bright brown eyes blinking up at him. He takes a step back, surprised at how close she is. "Ah, Maeda-san. How are you?" 

She smiles. "Iwaizumi-kun! I just wondered if you'd like to have lunch with me today?" 

He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "Maeda-san, it's very kind of you to offer, but I've already made plans." _Besides, we barely know each other._

Her ponytail bounces as she nods. "Perhaps another day then?" 

"…Ah?" 

Maeda's eyes are suddenly serious, and she grabs Iwaizumi's hands. "Iwaizumi-san, I know that you turned me down last week, but I was hoping that we could become friends? Perhaps if you got to know me better, you might change your mind!" 

Iwaizumi knows his face is flushed, and he hates it. Kudos to her for surprising him like this, he supposes. "Maeda, I wouldn't mind becoming friends with you, but I'm afraid I'm… really not interested in anything further." 

Oikawa's snide voice chimes in his head. _Ichika-kun, stop talking before you embarrass yourself further~_

Maeda's eyes are downcast. "Are you sure?"

"I’m sorry, Maeda, but there’s not really a chance." Iwaizumi turns to go, moving towards Oikawa. Behind him, he hears Maeda take a deep breath.

"Iwaizumi-san, did you reject me because you're… not interested in girls?"

The world quietly stutters to a stop. 

Iwaizumi feels his heart rate pick up. Surrounded, in the middle of the courtyard, no one is bothering to pretend they're not eavesdropping anymore. They're in Japan, not the west. Being seen as gay would… God, it would completely ruin them. 

"Excuse me?" Oikawa is next to him in a moment, respectful distance and semblance of privacy gone. His voice is like ice, frigid and cutting and perfectly polished. 

"Maeda-san, I-" 

"I saw you, you know," her hands are tightly curled into her skirt, "after I confessed to you. I saw you two walk away together. I saw your conversation in the side corridor. I'm not blind, Iwaizumi-san. I know that Oikawa confessed to you."

Oikawa laughs lightly and casually slings his arm over Iwaizumi's tense shoulders. "Ichika-kun, don't you think that such overconfidence is hardly the best way to win someone's heart? That the only reason Iwa-chan turned you down is because he's not interested in girls? True or not, that's hardly an attractive quality, is it?" 

Maeda's eyes are like frozen chips of fire. "But it's true then? You two are gay?" 

"Mm, not quite, but let's put it this way." Oikawa's smile is cruel and cold. "Iwa-chan is mine. He's always been mine. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Her face twists into an ugly mask. "Iwaizumi-san, out of all the people in the world, why would you pick someone so cruel and shallow and… male?" 

Iwaizumi has never hit a girl, will never hit a girl, but seeing the disdain in her eyes, his hands tremble with the effort of keeping them by his side. Only Oikawa's hand on his back and the eyes on him stops him. 

"Maeda-san, be careful with your words! That's quite rude, isn't it?" Underneath his sing-song tone, Oikawa's voice is lined with steel. 

"At least I'm not _unnatural_ like you two are." 

The yard falls silent. 

_”We're supposed to be like… brothers. Isn't this considered… unnatural?”_

"Better 'unnatural' than a narrow-minded fool like you," Iwaizumi says, quite calmly. "Maeda-san, you're not a bad catch. I am simply uninterested. Isn't it quite rude to get your brother to beat Oikawa up because of me?" 

Her eyes are shiny in the light. "I didn't ask him to. He did it himself." 

"But you didn't stop him either." 

"I didn't know! Do you really think I would stoop that low? Do you have that low of an opinion of me?" 

Maeda's lower lip trembles. For all her posturing, she's still just a teenage girl facing off her crush, who's got almost 30 pounds of muscle on her. For all her posturing, she's just a mortal girl facing off the ace and captain of the volleyball team, both immensely powerful and terrifying in their own right. For all her posturing, she's just a girl in the middle of a crowded room, trying to save face and defend herself. 

Iwaizumi exhales, drawn-out and slow. "Ichika-" her spine stiffens, "Ichika-kun, I'm not… gay. At least I don’t think I am? I do, however, treasure Oikawa very much. Like I said, he's… my best friend. My partner. He's my person. I want to stay by his side for a long time, and I'll be there for however long he lets me. I hope someday you find someone you treasure just as much." 

A quiet inhale, Oikawa's hand tightening on his waist. An unspoken message: _Thank you._ Or: _I treasure you too._ Or: _that means a lot to me._ Or even just: _Iwa-chan, that's far too sappy, what the helllll._ Nevertheless, the reminder of his presence is comforting in a way few other things are. 

"And don't worry, we won't be going to the police." 

Maeda Ichika bows stiffly, her eyes shiny. She sniffs once, and walks away, all eyes on her. The courtyard is frozen still, not even a single leaf daring to move. The sound of her heels clacking on cobblestone fade away. 

Then all at once the tension snaps, and girls flock towards Maeda, towards each other, everyone moving at the same time. The courtyard is thrown into uproar, people set on the warpath, the gossip grapevine in full bloom. 

Amidst the upheaval, his eyes meet Matsukawa's, who winks and jerks his head towards the corridor. _Let's go._ Oikawa grabs Iwaizumi by the wrist. They run. 

。。。 

Matsukawa grins at him over a bowl of tonkatsu ramen. "Thanks for the meal, Oikawa. Nice to see you two finally sorted your shit out."

Oikawa snorts. "Like you did? Just because Iwa-chan is blind as a bat doesn’t mean I didn't see your blatant sexual tension." 

Across him, Hanamaki chokes on his noodles. “Oikawa, what-” 

"Oh come off it, Makki, I saw you two kissing in the showers. Stop pretending." 

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and plucks a fishball from his bowl. "Stop bullying our friends or I'll order seconds. And thirds." 

" _Stop bullying my wallet!_ You people eat far too much!" 

Hanamaki slurps up the ends of his noodles obnoxiously. "Yeah, well, you'd better hope you don’t lose any food bets to the Karasuno captain. Now that's a man who can put away food." 

Iwaizumi flicks a paper wrapper at his forehead. "Disgusting. Eat with some manners, _please_. I might almost lose my appetite." 

He sticks his tongue out at him. “Sorry, _Iwa-chan_ , but you’re not my mother. You can’t tell me what to do!” 

Iwaizumi’s eye twitches. 

"So!" Matsukawa claps briskly, setting down his chopsticks. "Are you two… dating now?" 

They look at each other. 

In unison, "Nah." 

" _Hah??_ " 

Oikawa's eyes crinkle with his smile. "We're partners. But we're not dating! Is that so hard to grasp?" 

Hanamaki splutters, "But- but- you two- huh? I thought- but the confession? You turned down Maeda Ichika for Oikawa!" 

"I mean, I did, but also not in that way?" Iwaizumi frowns as he picks through his dish. "Oi, Crappykawa, help me eat the pickled lettuce. This place always makes it too sour." 

Matsukawa sips his tea, making a face at the taste. "So what are you two?" 

He looks up from his plate. "We're friends. What do you think we are?" 

Oikawa giggles, lacing his hand through Iwaizumi's. "Iwa-chan, let's just let them be confused. They’re too simple minded to understand our genius! We're not dating, but we're... friends? And partners, I guess?" 

"So… dating without the romance?" 

"Don’t be so crude, Makki. That's called being friends. Not everything has to be about romance! But essentially, yes." 

Hanamaki sighs, draining the last of Matsukawa's tea. "Okay, fine, whatever. We all knew you two were inevitable. Figures that you two have some non-mainstream thing. But for now," He waves his hand wildly in the air. "Server! Four orders of mochi please, my friend here just turned down the hottest girl in school!" 

Iwaizumi's eyes sparkle with glee. "Yeah, and I'd like extra mango with mine, please." 

"Ooh, I want strawberry!" 

"I'd like ice cream with mine!" 

" _Iwa-chan, are you trying to eat me out of house and home?_ " 

"I'll pay for our tickets to that dumb new alien movie next month." 

"Okay, deal! In that case, I will be stealing Iwa-chan’s mochi to eat." 

“ _Crappy Oikawa don’t you dare-_ ” 

。。。 

On White Day, Iwaizumi shoves a small white box at Oikawa. 

"Iwa-chan? What's this?" 

"It's for you," Iwaizumi mutters, not meeting his eyes. "Open it, Shittykawa." 

"Is it… a bomb? Is Iwa-chan trying to assassinate me?" 

Iwaizumi gapes at him. "What the hell? No! Just open it, shithead!" 

With no small amount of trepidation, Oikawa pulls off the ribbon and opens it. Inside, on black velvet, nestles a bracelet made from knotted leather cord. It's white, brown, and Seijoh green, threaded with a silver plaque. Oikawa blinks bemusedly at it. "Iwa-chan, what-" 

"It's a friendship bracelet," Iwaizumi says, finally staring straight at him. "It's a promise that I won't ever leave your side. This way you'll know, right? This way you can be sure. I can't give you rings, and you can't accept them, because that's just who I am, and who you are. But I can give you this, and a promise, that we'll always be partners." 

Oikawa can feel heat pooling behind his eyes. Inexplicably, he sniffles. _That's just who I am, and who you are._ Even now, Iwaizumi is the one who understands him best. 

Iwaizumi's face shifts into an expression of alarm. "Tooru, did I do something wrong?" 

_Tooru._ Iwaizumi hasn't called him by his first name since… since their argument. The name sounds natural in his mouth, an innocence that hasn't quite been there since middle school, or even before that. Since they were kids. Okay, Oikawa is definitely going to cry now. He blinks away the tears, staring determinedly at the bracelet in the box, and his eyes catch on the engraving on the silver: 

_岩泉 及川_

Their names together. _Iwaizumi - Oikawa_. From the rock spring and into the rivers. Their journey through the waters of life, together from the beginning to the end. 

The dam breaks. 

His face feels wet. _Oh._ There it is. He's crying? He's crying. He swipes his sleeve across his eyes, almost savouring the way the tears sting his eyes. It's so dumb for him to be crying over a bracelet, of all things, but _god_ , Iwaizumi understands, Iwaizumi knows, Iwaizumi isn't going to leave. 

He's always been the easy crier out of the two of them. 

"Tooru? You good?" 

He sniffles and nods, reaching blindly for Iwaizumi's hand. Pulling him close, he plows face first into his shoulder. "Hajime, I- this is- I don't know what to say." 

Iwaizumi's chest reverberates with quiet laughter. "Seriously?" His hands come up under his arms to cup his back. "Tooru, it's just a bracelet. It's not like you didn't already know we're partners." 

"It's different," he mumbles into the fabric. "Now everyone will know." 

Iwaizumi pulls back and looks him in the eye. "So what? I meant it when I said you're the partner I can be proud of." 

Wordlessly, he holds the box out. Iwaizumi takes the bracelet and gently fastens it around his left wrist. His sleeve rides up to reveal a matching bracelet, and Oikawa feels a fresh wave of emotion threaten to overwhelm him. 

_Iwaizumi and Oikawa, Tooru and Hajime. The captain and his vice, the setter and his ace. As it was, so it shall be, now-and-forever-amen._

"Stop crying, you ugly crier, you're going to flood the place. Your face is all red and blotchy." Iwaizumi breaks the moment by throwing a pack of tissue at him, hitting him in the face. "By the way, I did some research, and you'll never guess what." 

Oikawa stops rubbing his forehead where the tissue committed an act of violence against him and looks at him. "What?" 

"So you know how gay and straight people exist? Well apparently, there's a sexuality where you're not attracted to anyone that way. Apparently the Nekoma setter is some form of it?" 

"Mmm?" 

Iwaizumi runs a hand through his hair. "It's called being asexual. Ace for short." 

"Oho?" 

"Yah, Shittykawa, whatever you're thinking, don’t-" 

" _Ohmygod, Hajime,_ we are literally the aces of the volleyball team." 

Iwaizumi's face flushes scarlet. "That is such a bad pun, Oikawa, _I swear to god-_ "

Oikawa laughs till his ribs ache.

。。。

_"Thank you very much!"_

They're graduating.

This is it. The chapter closing, and the rest of their lives before them.

Oikawa Tooru is a person who knows what he wants in life. He wants to become the best, he wants to go to a top college. He wants to go pro (he knows he can), and lead Japan to their first Olympic volleyball gold in decades. _If you're going to hit it, hit it till it breaks,_ and he plans to, he's going to break every record and win. He's going to retire after his knee inevitably gives out in a couple of decades, and he's going to turn to coaching. He's going to fly, and he's going to help the next generation find their wings.

He's going to have fun.

They're all off to college now, the team scattering across the country. Both he and Iwaizumi are going to Tokyo. Hanamaki is off to Hokkaido, and Matsukawa is staying in Miyagi. Four years of college, then he's going to get into a division 1 team. God forbid he end up on the same team as Ushijima Wakatoshi, or he might actually commit murder. Four years of college, and then the rest of their lives.

_(At what point does it stop being ‘------, and then the rest of their lives', and simply the rest of their lives?)_

Oikawa Tooru is a person who knows what he wants.

Oikawa wants to get to the top, to stand as equals or as a superior on the court. He wants to fight, to win. He wants to rule the court.

_"Oi, dumbass, where the hell are you? I can't believe you're going to be late for your last team run!"_

_"Ahhh! Shitshitshit Iwa-chan, I overslept, I'll be there in five minutes, I swear, I'm already at the station!"_

Oikawa doesn’t need a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a picture-perfect family to come home to. Oikawa doesn’t need a bride in white, a long beautiful courtship, rings and flowers and hearts.

_"Captain! Nice of you to finally show up."_

_"Shut up! Okay, Aoba Johsai Volleyball Team! Let's do this one last time!"_

What Oikawa needs is the wind in his hair, the solid floor under his feet, worn leather in his hands and precision in his toss. What Oikawa needs is the familiar pain in his muscles after a long day of training, the sound the ball makes as he scores a service ace, the perfect set up clearing a path for a spiker to burst through. What Oikawa needs is security and adventure, the thrill of the game and the familiarity of the court.

_"Shittykawa, you're running too far ahead. Slow down, the team can't keep up!"_

What Oikawa needs is Iwaizumi at his back, Iwaizumi at his side, Iwaizumi keeping pace with him step for step for step for step. His best friend, his vice-captain, his ace and spiker. His foil, his equal, his best competitor.

Romance?

Oikawa Tooru doesn’t need romance. Why would he? Oikawa Tooru has his partner at his side, has the ball in his hands, has a team at his back. Oikawa Tooru has the best years of his life behind him, and the best years of his life ahead of him, and his best friend next to him.

And Oikawa Tooru is ready to take on the world.

**Author's Note:**

> 'italics is bad writing' they say; well you can pry my italics out of my _cold dead hands_. But also, AO3 formatting makes me want to cry
> 
> This fic is literally because my mind gave me the image of Oikawa confessing like a stereotypical anime girl then my ace-questioning ass decided 'alright that's enough lack of non-romantic friendship portrayal, I'm gonna do it.' and WHEW was this a monster to write.  
> I Might put up a timeskip chapter later? once i have the time? So uhhh yeah that's a heads up I guess
> 
> 大好きだよ = _daisuki da yo_ aka I like you a lot/I enjoy spending time with you || aka japanese way to confess? 
> 
> Leave kudos and come scream at me in the comments xxx


End file.
